Fun Responses to Internet Trolls

Writing

If you’re a vocal woman on the internet, it’s only a matter of time before some bridge dwelling troll decides to take his anger with not getting laid (because he’s gross and we all have standards) on you. When this happens, they will often devolve into rape and death threats.

Now, for people who haven’t experienced what I have, this is certainly terrifying and should never happen but we also need to stop taking these trolls seriously. Their goal is to rile us up, and the best way to deal with them is to not get riled up but to laugh at their bullshit. So I’ve decided to provide a list of amusing responses to “I’m going to rape and kill you.” Feel free to use these and spread to other women! I’ve made sure these are twitter friendly and you are welcome to copy and paste. I tried to think of possible responses from different viewpoints, but mostly I tried to amuse myself, which should be our real goal here. They aren’t trying to learn, so don’t bother trying to teach. The goal is to send them back to their bridge.

Troll: “I’m going to rape and kill you.”

You:

1) “That hard to get laid, eh?”

2) “Can we meet in Florida? I’d like to stand my ground.”

3) “Why you such a bitch, tho?”

4) “Who hurt you?”

5) “Are you this angry because your TMI is below average?”

6) “Not if I do it first.”

7) “You have your first amendment, I have my second.”

8) “Aw! I bet you say that to all the girls you jack off to but can never have.”

9) “Knock, knock

Who is there?

FBI

FBI who?

FB I’m going to kill you.”

10) “Don’t you have homework?”

11) “Isn’t it past your bedtime?”

12) “Maybe, but you’ll still be a bitch.”

13) “Don’t you want your first time to be special?”

14) “Dead or alive, I wouldn’t feel it.”

15) “Is that a credible threat because if it is, we can have a chat with the Feds. And if not, stop bluffing and go back to your bridge.”

16) “You ain’t gon’ do shit.”

17) “Oh, grow up.”

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